'Hmm Moments'...Things I learned about Panamanians

Panamanians...

-freak out about sunburns. They never turn red, so when their once very white gringa comes back the color of tomatoes, they're pretty sure I am going to be permanently discolored or something. And I thought I got stares and weird looks before!

-Don't really use trash cans. It's really frustrating. After you host a party of upwards of 100 people in your yard, you expect some mess. But when after the party you find yourself RAKING up the trash like fall leaves, that's a little excessive.

-Have a different definition of 'standing in line'. Meaning...more like an ambiguous amoeba and may the best Panamanian win.

-Were shocked and awed when a female trainee asked to shoot off some fireworks. We were shocked and awed when they let her. They talked about it for days afterwards.

-Have no concept of fireworks precautions. They will blow up whatever, whenever, wherever if there's a party. And there are lots of parties. It took some getting used to but now when I hear a burst of what sound like mortar shells coming down on my zinc roof I no longer attempt to dive under my bed, just make sure to factor a party into my evening plans!

-LOVE sugar. Want black coffee? That'll come with 3 spoonfuls of sugar in it. A slice of bread with butter? There's sugar on it. A bowl of cereal? They'll mix sugar into the milk before they pour it into the bowl.

-Eat their body weight in rice.

-Know two temperatures (thermometers are not a thing): FRESCA, which is when it is just cool enough to sit still without sweat running down your face, just maybe a little down your back. And CALOR, which is holy god hot enough so that you're laying in bed wearing as little as possible with all the lights off, a fan on, and the windows open, with sweat just pouring out of your body. They wear jackets during fresca and can be absolutely sweat-free while chopping down a field of grass with a machete during calor. I don't understand.

-Drink hot coffee. Eat hot soup. Make hot tea. One night, a commercial for an at home portable sauna came on, and I asked my family 'why would someone in Panama buy one of those? All they have to do is go outside!' To which they were rolling with laughter. I don't understand.

-Show dead people on TV. If there's a shooting or a stabbing in the news, they show the victim in video or photo almost every time, no matter what time of day it is.

-Have badass bugs that laugh in the face of bug spray. And then bite you anyway.

- Have an intimidating police force that is often in green body suits with black bullet proof vest on the outside, helmets, and carry assault rifles. Then they are positioned anywhere and everywhere- bus stops, intersections, highway tiendas, at an elementary school on a Sunday, outside the eyeglass store at the mall, at the empanada stand.

-Will not hesitate to make shit up. They really want to help and give you an answer, but this often means they must resort to...invention...when they don't have an accurate response for you.

-Have a 50' long, 3' diameter, human eating anaconda in Lake Gattoon. Every Panamanian can confirm its existence because they apparently know someone who saw it once. I don't think my host mom has forgiven me yet for swimming in that lake last weekend.

-Were shocked when 2 trainees made a great dinner for their families for 2 reasons: 1. One of the two trainees was male and 2. The entire meal was healthy and included vegetables, and nothing was fried, but it TASTED GOOD. That went through the rumor mill for several days.

-Think I am nuts for wanting to go work in the campos with the poorest, the most rural, and/or with the 'indios'.

-Hang up their laundry to dry outside wherever: clotheslines, fences, barbed wire, from roofs, trees, etc. NBD, right? It's common sense. But now consider, how does it feel to know that every single person you know and work with knows what all of your underwear looks like. Cuz when your house is famous for selling frozen fruit popsicles and its a billion degrees out and the whole town comes by while your underwear is hanging on the front gate, oh, they know.

-Never put toilet paper in the toilet. It goes in the trash can next to the toilet. Part of it's cultural, but a big part of it is that the pipes just can't handle it either.

-Use gestures instead of words often. A greeting is to just smoosh your face up as tight as possible. There are a variety of hand signals related to public transportation, like yes I want a ride, no i don't, the chiva is full, I am coming back for you in a minute, etc. My favorite is that one doesn't point or give directions with their hand or finger, they use their lips. They pucker their lips and nod in the direction they want you to go.

-Will get on a crowded public bus with a naked infant, a machete, and a chicken. And then sit right next to you.