I'm Awesome

No really, I am awesome. Lots of people say, 'I'm awesome' as a joke or in sarcasm, particularly when they have done something clumsy or dumb. Admittedly, I did that too. Still do sometimes. But somewhere along the way, I actually started to believe it, and that felt good. So I ran with it, and other people started to believe it too. Now, the fact that 'Amber Naylor is awesome' is just that, a fact. It is not an opinion nor is it subject for debate. I'm awesome.

In other words, my bucket is full. Mi tanque es lleno, pues. Nearly every Peace Corps workshop and seminar begins with the Bucket Theory. I've mentioned this before. The Bucket Theory is this: each person has within them an invisible bucket that is directly related to how they feel. When our buckets are full, we feel happy, fulfilled, and valued. When our buckets are empty, we feel sad, depressed, and worthless. Our buckets get filled and emptied by things people say or do. Gratitude, compliments, encouragement, appreciation, and love fills our buckets, while ridicule, scorn, neglect, and rejection empties it. It sounds very simple, and it has to be to make it accessible to people from all different walks of life, education levels, and ages. Yet while the concept is simple, the practice of filling buckets- those of others as well as your own- does not come easy.

Let's be real. The world doesn't care how I feel. The world doesn't really even care what I do. The world only cares about what I accomplish. There's a subtle difference there, but a very important one. A college student spends four years writing papers, taking exams, pulling all nighters, partying like its 1999, and cheering for football teams. After graduation the world doesn't care that she wrote a paper about Italian theatre in the 1800s that used masks and stock characters, the world only cares that she has a degree. See the difference?

Ok. Let's go back to talking about how awesome I am. If I know I am awesome, if it has become a concrete, irrefutable fact, then making life decisions about what I want to do and accomplish is easy. Obvious, really.

Duh, awesome things. I am not going to accept anything less, unless it is a means to accomplish something awesome. I worked at Home Depot for 6 months so that I could afford to join the Peace Corps. I took 20-24 credit hours each semester in college so that I could complete 2 degrees in 8 semesters. Doing neither of those things was awesome. Both sucked, actually. But I wouldn't trade my degrees or my Peace Corps experience for anything.

Here's the important part: I'm awesome. Right, we got that. Here's the more important part: I am only one person and need more awesome people with me in order to accomplish anything. Fortunately, awesome-ness is contagious. I know, because I caught it from lots of others. I am not Patient 0, this has been viral for a really long time. Thousands of years, actually. Here's the MOST important part: You are awesome.

Stop rolling your eyes at me. It is true.

There's a lot of problems in the world. There's a lot of problems in my community. But the biggest problem I can see is that I live with lots of empty buckets, and most people don't know how to fill other people's buckets, let alone their own. I am starting an Ultimate frisbee team to teach kids how to be nice, and just started having monthly meetings with an artisan crafts group to teach women that they are special. My latrine project is meeting a very real, physical need in the community, but more importantly, is making them feel like valuable human beings.

Low self esteem is a big contributing factor to alcoholism, teen pregnancy, drug abuse, domestic abuse, child abuse, depression, unemployment, dropping out of school, discrimination, and all the other big worldly problems that end in -isms and -ations. The cycle of poverty is fueled by people who don't believe they have the power to break it.

My job, essentially, is to fill buckets. My US friends joke about how my job as a PCV is to save the world, and we all have some sort of lofty ideals about changing it, but I truly believe the real, sustainable, and most effective way to do so is the undramatic, unglamorous, and simple act of filling people's buckets. Thank you. Your cooking is great. I love watching you play. You are the best neighbor a girl could ask for. I like you just the way you are. You are so intelligent and creative! You are a very supportive friend. I appreciate your hard work. You keep me sane in the jungle. (These are memorable bucket fillers that I have either received or given.)

 The best part about filling buckets is that when you add to someone else's bucket, you add to your own as well. When you start filling buckets you think, "Wow, this is awesome!" and look for other awesome things to do. After awhile you reflect and think, "Wow, I did a lot of awesome things!" which quickly shortens itself to, "Wow, I'm awesome!"

Take a second and jot down 3 people you know personally that you consider awesome. What awesome things do they do that you value and admire? Tell them. Right now, before you forget. Take a hot second from your incredibly important and busy life. Fill their bucket. Send them a text, email, facebook message, or write it on a sticky note and put it on their back. (Or maybe that's just a GAD camp thing.) You'll feel awesome for it, and they will too.

Now go back and replace my name in the first paragraph with yours and read it out loud. Try to believe it. There's a lot of empty buckets in this world, and I can't fill them all by myself.